


Grab a Scoop at A La Mode

by greenya



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Asexual Alana Beck, Bisexual Male Character, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, Healthy Sibling Relationships, I have no plans yet, I'll probably add in angst and fluff later, Lesbian Character, Panromantic Female Character, Rated teen for swearing, Tags May Change, Textfic, Texting, Vines, but its connor so, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-10 08:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13498754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenya/pseuds/greenya
Summary: Z._light: Fun fact- if you look it up theres literally no information on who made the vine or how old it isEvan_hansen: Why does it sound like Connor?Insanely.cool.jk: new theory its jeSUS VINEEvan_hansen: You’re Jewish, Jared.Insanely.cool.jk: god tierInsanely.cool.jk: also oyu saytha t every time but iyS A JO K EMuscularlettuce: im really fucking unnervedMuscularlettuce: the only two unconnor things about that vine is that id never wear a baseball hat and im not strong enough to fuck up a phone that badlyIn which I make a chatfic because I'm bored and lonely, and the kids all watch vines





	1. So No Head?

**Author's Note:**

> HEY YALL  
> It's been a while but here I am, this time with yet another fandom! I really hope I can keep this one going,,

Insanely.cool.jk: GUYS I FOUND OUT CONNORS SECRET

Muscularlettuce: what

Z._light: What

Muscularlettuce: what secret yall know i dont have a fucking door

Evan_hansen: Why does this call for a new group chat when we have two others?

Evan_hansen: That sounded rude no I like talking to you guys but,,

Muscularlettuce: what fucking secret kleinshit

Insanely.cool.jk: bc alanas in the other 2

Insanely.cool.jk: yall know vine rigth

Z._light: Duh

Insanely.cool.jk: and the so no head vine

Z._light: Yes

Insanely.cool.jk: doesnt the gyu look suspicoslt like connor

Muscularlettuce: holy shit

Evan_hansen: What vine is that?

Muscularlettuce: holy shIT

Muscularlettuce: you watch vine comps with literally all of us and this vine never came up in any of them??

Evan_hansen: That’s really weird. 

Insanely.cool.jk: smh

Z._light: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwVVZPzo8iM

Evan_hansen: Thank you Zoe!

Insanely.cool.jk: my theory is that that IS connro

Z._light: Fun fact- if you look it up theres literally no information on who made the vine or how old it is

Evan_hansen: Why does it sound like Connor?

Insanely.cool.jk: new theory its jeSUS VINE

Evan_hansen: You’re Jewish, Jared.

Insanely.cool.jk: god tier

Insanely.cool.jk: also oyu saytha t every time but iyS A JO K E

Muscularlettuce: im really fucking unnerved

Muscularlettuce: the only two unconnor things about that vine is that id never wear a baseball hat and im not strong enough to fuck up a phone that badly 

 

 

Muscularlettuce > Evan_hansen

 

Muscularlettuce: can i be added to the group chat im not in?

Evan_hansen: Um

Evan_hansen: No, sorry

Evan_hansen: Please don’t take that personally, it’s just it’s a really private thing?

Muscularlettuce: uh huh.

Evan_hansen: NO

Evan_hansen: I mean it’s not like dangerous personal otherwise I’d tell you first

Evan_hansen: The only reason Jared’s in it is because he stole my phone and added himself and I regret it

Evan_hansen: Please don’t take it personally, Connor

Muscularlettuce: its fine. 

Muscularlettuce: im coming over zoes being a lil shit and i want an exclusive evan hug

Evan_Hansen: Don’t forget the trademark!! :-D


	2. Door.png

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rip alana and jared

Z._light: Hey connor

Z._light: Connor guess what

Z._light: Connor

Muscularlettuce: WHAT

Z._light: door.png

Insanely.cool.jk: htat is

Insanely.cool.jk: the best door

Evan_hansen: How is that sticky note floating?

Muscularlettuce: evan

Z._light: Lmao

Evan_hansen: OH

Muscularlettuce: i slapped him with my hand of uno cards

Z._light: Also I’m adding alana

Insanely.cool.jk: adam

Insanely.cool.jk: that was supposed to say damn but honestly

Z._light: Why damn

Insanely.cool.jk: she doESNT KNOW VINE

Z._light: That’s fine I’ll educate her on the art over the weekend

**Z._light has added Llama_beck to the conversation.**

Muscularlettuce: hey alana

Llama_beck: hey, connor!

Llama_beck: i legitimately had to check to make sure that you were you. LOL

Muscularlettuce: oh yeah

Muscularlettuce: i changed my user because i saw a mistranslation on facebook and thought it was really funny

Muscularlettuce: i was also high but thats besides the point

Llama_beck: oh, okay! why is there plastic wrap covering your door?

Z._lights: He’s a ninja

Muscularlettuce: ??

Z._lights: Because he doesn’t have a door and Dad keeps barging in and I wanted to help my brother

Muscularlettuce: fuck you and larry

Insanely.cool.jk: hello heathen

Llama_beck: i feel targeted.

Muscularlettuce: thats normal

Evan_hansen: ^,,,

Insanely.cool.jk: wow rood

Muscularlettuce: hypocrite

Z._light: Bully alana and I’ll kill you

Muscularlettuce: bully evan or zoe and i will personally fuck you up so bad youll end up in a mental institution

Evan_hansen: ,,,

Evan_hansen: Bully any of us and I’ll tell your mom about you-know-what

Insanely.cool.jk: YOU WOULDNT

Insanely.cool.jk: IM SSORRY DOnt tell my mom ples

Llama_beck: LOL it’s fine! i got what he meant, and i’d like to say i have watched vines!!

Insanely.cool.jk: youve watched lele pons havent u

Llama_beck: one or two compilations.

Insanely.cool.jk: teRASON

Z._light: Alana you’re coming over at 10am on saturday

Llama_beck: oh, okay.

Llama_beck: !*

Muscularlettuce: alana, you were literally the only nice person to me for 4 years, but im gonna have to side with them on this one

Evan_hansen: No offence, Lele Pons is definitely somewhere on the bottom of my “What Vines To Watch” list.

Z._light: I’m bored

Evan_hansen: I’m watching glue dry.

Insanely.cool.jk: im plaiygin mario kart alO NE

Evan_hansen: You know I suck at Mario Kart, and I’m not coming over.

Insanely.cool.jk: yeah cause youre proably doing kinky shit with connor

Llama_beck: i doubt that.

Muscularlettuce: eat a tide pod you fuck

Evan_hansen: ja R ED

Z._light: Jared, it was never funny

Z._light: Cut it out, it’s disrespectful

Insanely.cool.jk: jeez fine

Insanely.cool.jk: but only bc im lowkey terrified of evan rn

Muscularlettuce: chaotic good

Z._light: He’s only chaotic bc of you

Muscularlettuce: eat my leek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jareds a lil shit but hes still my boi


	3. The Greatest Bi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yall get to know what the gc connor's not in is about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feelings- a short film by Zoe Murphy

Z._light > The Greatest Bi & His Friends (Evan_hansen, Llama_beck, Insanely.cool.jk, Z._light)

 

Z._light: So how was your uno game

Evan_hansen: He won, somehow.

Z._light: Damn

Evan_hansen: Then he drew me a tree while we watched Voltron

Insanely.cool.jk: GOOD SHOW

Z._light: Don’t tell connor this but

Z._light: When he was in the hospital mom, dad, and I confiscated a lot of stuff in his room

Insanely.cool.jk: like the door

Z._light: Well um

Z._light: I found a couple of his sketchbooks and hid them

Z._light: If dad found them he would’ve just thrown them away and if mom found them she would have gone mom on him and you’ve all met her so you know how that goes

Evan_hansen: Yep.

Z._light: I was really lonely one night and connor yelled at me when I visited him so I opened one of the sketchbooks

Z._light: Let’s just say that I’m really really thankful for evan for talking to him

Llama_beck: that bad?

Evan_hansen: I

Evan_hansen: Wow

Evan_hansen: Honestly, if I hadn’t started talking to him I don’t think I would be that great either.

Z._light: What about me D:

Z._light: Jk

Insanely.cool.jk: hi

Z._light: Dammit jared

Z._light: I’m happy for both of you

Llama_beck: me too!

Evan_hansen: :-)

Insanely.cool.jk: i saw somethign about watching glue dry

Evan_hansen: Yeah, I glued the tree drawing onto a page in my journal!

Insanely.cool.jk: was it the purple glue

Evan_hansen: Yes

Insanely.cool.jk: good

 

Muscularlettuce to Evan_hansen, Z._light, Insanely.cool.jk, Llama_beck

Muscularlettuce: hey evan

Evan_hansen: ?

Muscularlettuce: squash banana

Evan_hansen: N O

Evan_hansen: sdkfh

Insanely.cool.jk: connro borke evan

Z._light: Borke

Llama_beck: borke

Evan_hansen: Borke

Muscularlettuce: borke

Insanely.cool.jk: did i studder

Muscularlettuce: studder

Evan_hansen: I’m dying

Muscularlettuce: do you need cpr

Insanely.cool.jk: ;)))

Muscularlettuce: wait

Z._light: I don’t think I’m able to cover you on this one, connor

Evan_hansen: I’m not literally dying!! Jeez

Evan_hansen: But ;;)

Muscularlettuce: um

Llama_beck: jared, give evan his phone back.

Evan_hansen: JARED I WON’T HESITATE TO TELL YOUR MOM.

Insanely.cool.jk: scrE E CH

Z._light: I’m choking

Llama_beck: i’d like everyone to know that cpr is not mouth to mouth.

Insanely.cool.jk: your no fun

Llama_beck: you’re* :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO TIRED  
> And I don't know why?? I mean, I have a cold and I'm in physical pain because of Lucifer's Waterfall,, buT I hate being tired. I have to finish my science fair project tonight. I hate the science fair. If it's optional, don't do it. Funny story, last year I had to do it my teacher was actually insane and I made up half the data and never even made the board. I didn't ever present it lmaoo  
> I also have to finish writing a book for class at some point but idk when that's due, so I've been procrastinating a lot. And also wondering what my OC's would do in group chats. I've been thinking of writing a fanfic for DEH based off a book I read, but writing is hArd. Rip me,,  
> There's a 25% chance that my choir might sing Waving Through A Window!! 25% chance because I was the only one to send in recommendations. but still yay!!


	4. t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic so far is 11 pages on google docs i'm shooketh this is p much the longest thing i've written

Evan_hansen: I’m sick.

Muscularlettuce: on a scale of 1 to 10 how close do you feel to death

Evan_hansen: 7

Insanely.cool.jk: im not saving you if your a 7 youre probably nauseous

Evan_hansen: I’m not

Insanely.cool.jk: not risking it sorry dud

Llama_beck: i’m sorry, evan!! i’ll bring you some soup and cookies.

Z._light: I just walked past connor’s room and he looks like he’s having an internal battle so I’m driving to your house, evan

Evan_hansen: You don’t have to, I’ll be fine

Muscularlettuce: t zoe

Muscularlettuce: i know from experience that being sick without anyone there sucks and you have no way to physically force me to not come over

Z._light: Why did you abbreviate thanks

Muscularlettuce: because what the fuck richard

Insanely.cool.jk: yall have fun if you die the only funeral im going to is evnas 

Muscularlettuce: wow rude

Z._light: Connor hurrY UP

Z._light: I can hear mom in the kitchen if we wait too long she’ll ask us where we’re going

Insanely.cool.jk: oof

Muscularlettuce: fuCK 

Llama_beck: i actually have a whole board on pinterest for cookie recipes. 

Insanely.cool.jk: wow thats decidation

Evan_hansen: I kind of want to cry right now I hate being sick

Evan_hansen: And anxiety

Muscularlettuce: fuck anxiety

Insanely.cool.jk: rt

Llama_beck: rt

Z._light: rt

Evan_hansen: ZoE you’re driving get off your pho n e

Muscularlettuce: its ok ev shes at a stoplight

Muscularlettuce: yes were almost there

Evan_hansen: Thanks Connor :)

 

 

….

 

Z._light > Llama_beck

 

Z._light: I’m shook??

Z._light: I asked connor what his internal battle was about and the only thing he said was that he hasn’t been cuddled in five years????

Z._light: That’s his fault but I

Z._light: Heck I love that evan has been a really positive influence on connor

Llama_beck: me too!

Llama_beck: sorry i didn’t reply, i was getting the cookies out of the oven.

Z._light: It’s really sweet that you’re making him cookies

Llama_beck: it’s no problem!! he’s one of my closest acquaintances, i’m honored to!

Z._light: Alana, we all think of you as a friend, you can call us your friends too

Llama_beck: i can try…

Z._light: softboys.png

Z._light: They’re both asleep this is both blackmail and a new picture on my wall

Llama_beck: aww!

Z._light: I hope they don’t mind I joined their cuddle and now its a mini cuddle pile

Z._light: Have you ever been in a cuddle pile?

Llama_beck: yeah, i’ve been in a lot! to be fair, all of them were with my siblings… 

Z._light: Nice

Z._light: The last time I was in one was last year right after a party and my friends and I were all drunk

Z._light: Then those friends proved they weren’t and I deleted them from my life :)

Z._light: I’m really tired, ttyl, alana <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhh i feel like shit and idk whY
> 
> That thing I said last chapter about the choir songs? WTAW didn't get chosen buT WE'RE DOING DANCING QUEEN WOOOO  
> I have never been in a cuddle pile but I want to


	5. vday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i said i deleted this whole chapter cause i didnt like it? i didnt delete it and i still dont like it

Muscularlettuce: ok first off

Muscularlettuce: i refuse to believe that the band fun is not all redheads

Muscularlettuce: second

Muscularlettuce: its vday and im bored

Muscularlettuce: no jared i wont get high fuck off

Insanely.cool.jk: wow ok ist too early for thsi shit

Z._light: Its 3pm

Insanely.cool.jk: to O EARLY

Evan_hansen: What band is Fun, again?

Muscularlettuce: they did some nights

Evan_hansen: Ohh

Z._light: Dad found his weed stashes and threw them out

Muscularlettuce: and im trying to quit but since nobody seems to care that im trying whats the point

Evan_hansen: I care!

Evan_hansen: I’m happy you’re trying to take care of yourself. :-)

Insanely.cool.jk: WAIT WHY DO YOU THINK THEYRE REDHEASD

Muscularlettuce: thEY SOUND LIKE REDHEADS

Llama_beck: i’m so confused.

Muscularlettuce: THEY JUST DO IT MAKES SENSE TO ME

Z._light: We’re all confused

Muscularlettuce: this is bullying

Llama_beck: did any of you get valentines this year?

Muscularlettuce: i have never gotten one in my entire life, much less this year

Insanely.cool.jk: i got tnos of valentisne

Evan_hansen: I got one Valentine’s Day card in I think 8th grade and I had an anxiety attack.

Evan_hansen: And then I found out that it was Jared who sent it to me as a joke. 

Muscularlettuce: jesus

Insanely.cool.jk: i sadi i waS SORR Y

Llama_beck: i’m sorry, evan!! i got four… none from the person i like, though.

Z._light: I got a lot

Muscularlettuce: thats not a fucking surprise

Z._light: At least I’m not a jerk to everyone all the time

Evan_hansen: Please stop

Muscularlettuce: ive been trying. 

Muscularlettuce: ive been trying, so hard, but of fucking course you cant see it.

Z._light: I can see it. I’m just saying you’re still a jerk.

Evan_hansen: Stop

Muscularlettuce: fuck you

Z._light: Fuck you

Evan_hansen: STOP

Insanely.cool.jk: why did that exalate so quickly

Evan_hansen: Thank you.

Evan_hansen: I gotta go, apparently my mom brought someone over for dinner?

Insanely.cool.jk: even through yuor perfect gramamr i can see ur nervousness

Insanely.cool.jk: bang bang clap clap whooosh

Llama_beck: what?

Insanely.cool.jk: once in science my reacher made us do a good lukc clap thing an dit was weird but its stuck in my head now

Evan_hansen: Thanks

 

Muscularlettuce > Evan_hansen

 

Muscularlettuce: good luck

Muscularlettuce: have any clue who it is?

Evan_hansen: No, but Mom has been spending even less time at home somehow and suddenly she’s bringing a guy and his kid over so I’m assuming that’s the reason.

Muscularlettuce: damn

Muscularlettuce: im pissed at everyone in my shit family so i might spam you during your dinner hangout meetyourmomsboyfriend thing

Muscularlettuce: just as a heads up

Evan_hansen: Thank you

 

Muscularlettuce > Evan_hansen

Muscularlettuce: treefacts.png (1-8)

Muscularlettuce: i really have been trying

Muscularlettuce: zoes always been the fucking perfect child no matter what and just because ive been trying to get better shes pissy at me

Muscularlettuce: nothing like a good dose of hate while youre trying not to hate yourself :)

Evan_hansen: I panicked and asked if I could go to your house, is that okay?

Evan_hansen: I didn’t even check first oh god

Evan_hansen: I’ll just go to a 7/11 or something sorry

Muscularlettuce: evan

Muscularlettuce: its fine and i want you to come over

Evan_hansen: :-) !

 

Z._light > Muscularlettuce

 

Z._light: Happy valentines day!

Z._light: Okay so I don’t really know how to say this but

Z._light: I like you a lot

Z._light: In a very pan way

Z._light: I know I got to the point quick, but I’ll backtrack because it’s already sent. You’re my closest friend and I know we haven’t actually been friends for that long, but I really appreciate everything you’ve done for our whole friend group. I love you, Alana, in both a romantic way and a platonic way.

Muscularlettuce: waIT WHAT

Muscularlettuce: ZOE ELIZABETH MURPHY

Muscularlettuce: i cant believe you sent this to m E

Z._light: S H IT

Z._light: CONNOR

Muscularlettuce: evan and i are on the roof and he screeched

Z._light: FUCK YOU

Muscularlettuce: YOURE THE ONE WHO SENT IT TO ME

Muscularlettuce: hold on evan might fall off the roof

Z._light: Please don’t tell jared

Muscularlettuce: why tf would i

Muscularlettuce: if it helps im in the same position too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK WOOO  
> i finished the book and the first chapter of my other fanfic but im not gonna post it yet (spoilers: the chapter is called "you hold your child as tight as you can")  
> this was supposed to be posted a month ago oooops


	6. WOW THIS TOOK A WHILE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD DAMN ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SORRY BROTHERS  
> Highkey forgot about this uh. Haven’t been very deh lately but ya girl did nearly cry on the first page of the novel

Z._light > Llama_beck

  
  


Z._light: Okay I’m gonna implode either way so here we go

 

Z._light: Happy birthday lana <3

 

Llama_beck: don’t implode!! Thank you <3

 

Z._light: I’m not done

 

Z._light: Do I straightforward?

 

Llama_beck: ?

 

Z._light: Ha as if, I’d rather panforward

 

Z._light: I’m pan

 

Z._light: That’s the first part

 

Llama_beck: !!! 

 

Z._light: This is important information for what I’m about to tell you

 

Llama_beck: i’m homoromantic!

 

Z._light: Wow okay this makes things a lil bit easier then

 

Z._light: I

 

Z._light: I like you

 

Z._light: A lot

 

Llama_beck: i really want to scream right now.

 

Z._light: It’s completely fine if you don’t like me back I just thought you should know

 

Llama_beck: this is the best birthday present ever!!

 

Llama_beck: i like you too <3

 

Z._light: WAIT REALLY

 

Llama_beck: yes!!

 

Z._light: Hold on

 

Llama_beck: ?

 

Z._light: Okay I’m back from screeching

 

Llama_beck: so do you want to go get coffee or something sometime?

 

Z._light: Yes ofc

 

Z._light: Saturday 2pm?

 

Llama_beck: Sure <3

  
  
  
  
  


Evan_hansen to Z._light, Muscularlettuce, Insanely.cool.jk, Llama_beck

  
  


Evan_hansen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALANA

 

Insanely.cool.jk: cognrats on being born 18 years ago

 

Muscularlettuce: happy birthday

 

Z._light: HAPPY BIRTHDAY <333

 

Llama_beck: thanks!!!! <33

 

Insanely.cool.jk: ew hearts

 

Muscularlettuce: you never use hearts whats the occasion

 

Z._light: Ew Jared

 

Evan_hansen: Wait,

 

Evan_hansen: I have a suspicion that this relates to the time I almost fell off the roof

 

Insanely.cool.jk: ????

 

Muscularlettuce: wait

 

Muscularlettuce: when

 

Muscularlettuce: what

 

Z._light: Hi Connor :)

 

Muscularlettuce: ZOE

 

Insanely.cool.jk: iwam missing domethjng

 

Llama_beck: yes you are!

 

Llama_beck: should we tell them?

 

Z._light: Nah I wanna see how long it takes for Jared to figure it out

 

Insanely.cool.jk: ????what

 

Llama_beck: don’t worry about it!

 

Muscularlettuce: evAN??

 

Evan_hansen: Yeah?

 

Muscularlettuce: hhh

 

Evan_hansen: Agreed

 

Insanely.cool.jk: as fun as this conversation is we donoy have a chat name yet so im changing it

 

_ Insanely.cool.jk changed the chat name to “im already tracer” _

 

Muscularlettuce: jared i am going to murder you and i won’t even feel bad about it

 

Insanely.cool.jk: lame

 

_ Insanely.cool.jk changed the chat name to “#alonesadowo” _

 

Muscularlettuce: jared what the FUCK

 

Insanely.cool.jk: carpenters go to boarding school

 

Muscularlettuce: i

 

Z._light: Wood you believe it

 

Llama_beck: lol, i saw what you did there!

 

Muscularlettuce: wh 

 

Evan_hansen: Tree

 

Muscularlettuce: evan you traitor

 

Insanely.cool.jk: thank youfor youre contribution evan 

 

Z._light: Your*

 

Insanely.cool.jk: that was NOT rad

 

Evan_hansen: Okay but what does the chat name even MEAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not abandon this again but thanks for sticking around I love y’all  
> ..... fun fact I wrote half of this over like 5 months ago at least

**Author's Note:**

> hoPE YOU ENJOYED! Muscular lettuce is a translation error my mom found when she was in China and I feel like Connor would have seen it on facebook or something. I might add dialogue in too at some point? I dunno, I don't have a plan yet buT I WILL OR ILL IMPROVISE  
> Leave a kudos if you'd like! Comments are always appreciated


End file.
